hello Laila, I am a blog reader though I dont comment. I really need to share my burden with someone because I am fast running out of my senses. I am losing my mind. my case is exceptional in whc am ashamed to discuss, but i ve to share if you hide my identity.
I was raped by my own brother at age of 12. He was 15 by den but we hid it from our parents, i cant remember vividly d number of times we had sex together after d rape but it became quite a regular occurrence and honestly, as naive as i was I knew What we were doing was wrong but since he was the only companion and friend I have, we went on and it got to a point where we used to have sex 3 to 4 times a day and i couldnt stop him because at a point i actually started longing for it because he taught me about orgasms.
Once our parents leave the house, he would suck and suck me before having sex and it became an experience i came to long for so much so that when we gained admission in different schools, life without him became difficult. It wasnt until my 3rd year that i was able to get over him and entered my first real relationship. It was then that i started feeling bad about my past and the role my brother played in it but i kept it to myself and we never discussed it ever again. we just moved on like it never happened though it gets awkward sometimes when we are alone.
Few yrs later precisely 2009, i got married, had miscarriage once since den notin like pregnancy again..and dis is our 7 yrs wedding anniversary...my mind has been running to and fro because i and my hubby has been satified ok medically. My brother wedded 2 yrs ago and his wife just give birth to a bouncing baby boy.
I dont know what is wrong with me? I am having a very strong feeling that what my brother did to me may be the cause of my situation. I am still not sure why he has gone scoot free while i suffer for what he made me do. i am confused cos dis incident was d last tin i ll ever discuss with my hubby..it has been my secret all day long. I hear of people who do cleansing when things like this happen but i dont know how to go about it.
Plz what do dis intelligent audience advise me to in dis situation cos i ve confessed to Almighty God in my secret chamber to forgive my sins yet every month, my period will start even earlier than usual signifying that something is wrong with me spiritually. Even though my hubby has been supportive, I want to be a mum and to make him a dad. He deserves it cos he is a very good man and i feel bad when ever I see how good he is with other children. Plz what do I do to reverse any curse that may be following me.
TILB:
I totally understand what you are going through and I want to assure you that nothing is wrong with you. You have repented from your sins and have asked God for forgiveness and believe me, God has forgiven you and your brother cos he assured that he over looks our days of ignorance. I suggest you stop being superstitious and focus on making your self happy. What we beleive in becomes our reality so i strongly advise that you stop subconsciously feeding the aura of being cursed else it starts manifesting. Blank if from your head immediately. Your past in this context has no bearing on your present and your future. The fact that you got pregnant once and your brother is a father now is proof to that. Some times, couples encounter what you are going through for no just cause and yours is no different. You will be a mum at the appointed time. I advise you go for hormone evaluation because most women who miscarried often have hormonal issues that may conception if not managed properly. Go for scan to make sure you were evacuated properly after the last miscarriage. Also consider educating your self on the effect of rhesus factor on fertility. In all, Worry less so your body will be conducive and stress-free. Your baby shall arrive soon. Do not despair. Just live a good life and pray fervently.
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